Monday, July 27, 2015

Yelp Reviews for States of Being

State of Being: Depressed

I come to Depression a lot when I'm feeling lonely, or when I can't feel anything. I really love the couches in Depression, or at least I think I love them. It's difficult to feel enthusiasm for the things that I normally love when I'm in the state of Depression. The food is kinda... meh... Lots of cheese and salted things just mushed together. It's fine and it does the trick, but it's nothing fancy. Oh, and the service is terrible. I laid on the couch for hours before I offered myself a blanket or a beer. Oh, there's lots of beer in depression, but it's all the way in the fridge. It's a good place to be if you want to curl up under the blankets and watch emotionally driven science fiction or fantasy all day.

Three and a half stars.

State of Being: Anxious

I um go to anxiety um a lot a lot a lot!!!!!! It's great! Well it's okay. I don't know. I'm sorry. It's super scary!!!!! Do you like scary things? Me too! Oh you don't? Me neither! SORRY IF I OFFENDED YOU THERE! Anxiety has some really fun exercises, like shaking and trembling while pacing: SO GOOD FOR YOUR CORE WORK OUT. The shower in anxiety is nice. You can sit on the floor and shake back and forth of the shower if you want to. Uh, sorry if that uh um... The coffee here is good!!! Come for the coffee! Stay for the panic attack work outs!

Five stars! I mean one star! I don't know.

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