Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Super Powers

If I’ve learned anything from spending countless hours reading Marvel Comics’ The Incredible Hulk, it’s that with great power… comes the loss of communication skills. Additionally, whenever I’m shy or nervous, my communication skills worsen as well. So if we can follow that logic, whenever I’m shy or nervous… I have super strength.

SCENE: White room, lots of computers, important looking sciency people and businessy people running about and saying things like “stat!”

General: This is a code green. We have to call her in.

Lieutenant: But sir, she doesn’t even know what she is, or how she’s doing it. Is it fair to do something like this without her consent?

General: God damn it, Last Name, I don’t have time to think about the feelings of one little nerdy girl when the entire fate of the world hangs in the ballance. This is it, what we’ve been training for. Let’s send her in.

Lieutenant: Okay, she’s being dropped off at the location now.

General: Good, stand by, men, this is what we’re waiting for.

On a huge monitor we see a dark grey evil mad scientist bad guy’s lab. (Open to interpretation and subjectivity.) In walks in Barbara, short brunnette with glasses and bangs.

Barbara: (on monitor screen) Oh, hey… this guy gave me a ride here and said some friends were um, throwing a party…

Super villain: (on screen): EVIL LAUGH there are no friends for you here!

General:  Good, she’s already starting to stammer. Her powers are heating up. Send in the trigger.

On monitor screen we see a cool looking young woman, short purple hair, lots of tattoos, great taste in clothes, she walks up to Barbara.

Cool woman: Hey Barbara, did you hear the new song by the Mountain Goats?

Barbara: Oh, um, yes, I mean… no I haven’t yet… but I want to.

Cool woman: Wait, you do know who the Mountain Goats are, don’t you?

Barbara: Um, yeah, uh, of course I do.

Cool woman: Yeah. What’s your favorite song by them?

Barbara: Um, I like, the one, I mean, I like, uh, all of them….

Barbara screams in agony, turns bright green, huge and muscly, growling in strength and hulk-like mania. Barbara smashes through all of the machinery, grabs evil villain by the shirt collar and shakes him in the air.

Super villain: Okay, I’m sorry! I surrender!

Barbara: Don’t make me socially anxious. You won’t like me… when I’m socially anxious.

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